Thursday, December 26, 2013


To Retreat is to Converge- reconnect with Sun Star Moon Earth Water Wind Fire Rain.

To feel equal measure, of pleasure and pain.

To sit, stay, play and grow.

To sing, dance, remember and know.

To see a sunset and a moon rise on the shortest day.

To voice praises of humanity and be human in this way.

This the divine gift, wrapped in this Present.

This the divine gift, birthed in this moment.

and the next.

and so on..

until Breath ends...

I am in my Car; camping, sleepy.

I am hard to rope.

I look up and see fog and haze.

I look up and see clear sky and stars for days.

I look up and moon full with a cloud angel parade.

Wistfully they race by at a mindful pace; flying dancing and blessing this new space.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013


It's weird how sad luminaries make me.
So much pain. My heart. She hurts. She cries out, why. Why so much to bear. So bare. So raw. So much feeling.
Like a chest of drawers is on my chest, I heave breaths in and out. My rib cage feeling like a cage of the heaviest metal.
Tears falling and making gullies in the pillow. The cat to afraid to come up.

The fan drones on endlessly turning, spinning. Not unlike the figure below that I call me.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

In honor of my Grandfather, T. Ben Howard's Birthday Anniversary (he would have been 98); I am re-posting this, my favorite poem. 

One summer evening, after my grandfather had passed, I was sitting outside on a very high deck in a magical place with a very dear friend and was talking about him. 

      After awhile we sat in silence and I felt his presence visit me and wrote this



through the 
you merge into my field


sit atop my monkey mind...

 flowing like a broken honeycomb.

sweet night air 
gaining thickness and depth.

you whisper a comforting quilt of words; 
in the language that goes without saying.

swaying with the angel's song; 
we sit for a momentous moment.

 in the blaze of truth.

the exchange complete. 

there is a soft exiting,
 on fallen leaves.

tears fall to wash
a heart
open wide
shining as though it were dawn.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

hammock moon

Hammock moon beckoning, drawing me near.

Searching for a seat on the peek-a-boo moon,

wandering in an aimless nameless valley.

 I know the prize is just beyond the next ridge,

I know this in the deep place. 

Sit with the power, not fully arrived.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Re-treat, Re-immersion, Re-al

 I have had my dream--like others-- 
and it has come to nothing, so that 

I remain now carelessly 
with feet planted on the ground 
and look up at the sky-- 

feeling my clothes about me, 
the weight of my body in my shoes, 
the rim of my hat, air passing in and out 
at my nose
--and decide to dream no more. 
~William Carlos Williams

I will still envision possibilities, yet be alive in the real moment of what truly is my life. You are what you do, what you choose in each moment. It does not define you, but it does create the life you will experience.


 Things are coming together, meanwhile things are falling apart. 

Waves break at the shore, and the sand takes it all in time. 

 The crash of water pounding on rock, 
breaking it into tiny crystals, 
is music to my ears. 

River water rushes over rocks; 
smoothing edges into soft curves.

Are your pockets full of stones? 

Cannot pass thru the gate withholding

Doors aren't only a metaphor, they swing both ways.
Open your third ear and listen to the water of your heart.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

HAFIZ ....If I could show you your own heart....

Poem by Hafiz.....
If I could show you
Your own heart
You would fall
In love with you.
You would see what I see:
The Universe flaming into being
And newborn light
Leaping from star to star.
You would see
The birth of suns
Comets spinning into space
And planets coming to life,
Life upon life.
You would see
Celestial bodies in love
Drowning in each other
And their children
Populating the skies.
If I could show you
Your own heart
You could see mine
Deep inside, smiling.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

You are going to Wash YOUR hair with WHAT??!!!?!

Yes. That's right! I am using BAKING SODA and VINEGAR to wash my hair this week... maybe longer if it doesn't fall out and all goes well!  I have color treated, wavy hair. I am not going to be coloring my hair anymore, letting it go dark and using lemon in the sun to allow for natural highlights. It's not thick or thin, but there's alot of it. I would also say it's pretty dry, BUT some would argue that is because of shampooing!

Shampoo strips the hair of natural oils with its lathery ways! I try to get a shampoo with little lather and use small amounts, but then it doesn't feel clean! :? Hurumph!! Plus the shampoo tends to stay in the hair as residue and I cannot untangle my hair with out then using a conditioner....

So let me get this straight... I am stripping my hair of natural oils to get it clean and then adding stuff back from the outside with a cream to be able to comb this hair.  Sometimes I just want to SHAVE the head and say, FORGET YOU HAIR!"

but I do kind of like being able to have long hair and be girly... so back to the experiment....

I have been wanting to try this since reading a post from this blog....
After carefully reviewing the article and the comments (there are many!) On my next lunch break I went to Whole Foods for my usual salad bar snack AND got regular baking soda and White Vinegar....

There is another blog site I also looked at pertaining specifically to the vinegar rinsing!!!

Looking closely at the Vinegar Label, I started to get excited!

 HAHAH Vinegar is your friend!

So I took all of the advice and prepared my mixtures. I made the baking soda part, three to one, 3 tablespoons of water to one tablespoon of B.Soda. This fit in a travel sized bottle. 

For the Vinegar Rinse I did four to one.  In a twelve ounce old Agave Squeeze Bottle, I mixed 9 ounces or water and three ounces of Vinegar. I added some drops of Cool Hottie and Peppermint Oil

( Looking back: Once I was in the shower I realized the Vinegar smell was strong and would have added more of drops or mixed it more along the lines of the Vinegar Rinse Link.... will do next time. Although, my hair did not retain the vinegar smell, it is personal preference.. girl wants to smell GUUUD :)

So I get in the shower and wet my hair and used up the baking soda mixture pretty quickly. And I wonder if I needed more. As I start moving it from root to end, I can see why I am doing this... It is an abrasive and I am actually scrubbing my hair! How cool!!!  It is really neat and I even rub some on my dry elbows.  I think I will try with a larger mixture for my next batch. One of the tips is to make it right before you are going to use it, do not store it in the shower, as the water ACTIVATES the B.Soda.

Not so for the Vinegar. You can premake batches of that according to the Herbal Rinse Post.
I left the B.Soda on for about a minute and a half. Then washed with warm/hot water.

Then I carefully apply the Vinegar rinse, tilting my head back and then flipping over to get the ends.... next time I will do that the other way. Not that any got in my eyes, but I was worried about it and it makes more logical sense to work it backwards.

You want to be done with your shower when you add the vinegar, Because you wash this out immediately and with SUPER--COLD, AS YOU CAN STAND IT, WISH I HAD A WET SUIT--WATER!

Whallla! I'm out of the shower and still have hair! I start to comb it out and am surprised that with zero conditioner it is pretty easily untangling. 

I didn't need to but I did add a tiny bit of 
Miracle Ten to the ends, just because I had some and was unsure if it was going to be frizzy... I will try to not do that next time. 
It was late so I didn't dry my hair, but I am excited to try this again and see what it will look like with it blown dry! Today, I had a lot of bounce and natural curl to my hair. I used a large barrel curling iron to tame the waves a little, plus I got up WAY too early so I had to do something at dawn....
It would be more full on top if I had not slept on it. :)

Truth  be told I don't like messing with much of a beauty regiment and all that, but do like to look nice, stay out of the poor house, and not use toxic crap on my body. 

I am pleased with this hair care bit so far and will keep you updated. 


Hercules going to the Vet

Hercules the mighty sings all the way to the vet. You could tell time by the way he meows every other second :)

Blind Cafe

I attended Blind Cafe in Austin, held @ Vuka last night. You wait in the lobby and meet your table mates and are then led to your table in the darkness, and right away we noticed the differences in how you interact when in the dark. 

Body language is not important, and it was freeing to know that no one could see us. Talking and touch became key to sharing and communicating at the table. It was interesting that I wanted to shut my eyes in the dark and took me a while to be able to just keep them open. The music reached me differently in the dark and they were playing together in the dark, so amazing with the chords and timing!

It was amazing how much closer I thought folks were to me than they were. I had also been  in the space before and thought we were seated in a much different area than we were. My experience of the table layout was so different that what it actually was. It was made apparent that your perception is as strong as reality. What I am experiencing and what may be solid furniture can be vastly different, but not affecting me much. I still ate and enjoyed my meal and tablemates, even though my idea of the table was skewed.

The world has so much to offer in so many beautiful ways 
and each one of us has an offering to the world in our own way!! 

I plan to Go Dark more often and explore the inner and outer landscape in this way. Thank you so much Blind Cafe :D

Option one, or two or three or ........

We can watch ourselves spin out of balance or procrastinate from the true issue with worry, fret, and overwhelming behaviors; Or wait for information that will certainly reveal a path. Option anxiety, can occur when we have many options, and weighing each we cannot discern the best course of action, therefore paralyzed and choosing none or impatiently choosing too early.

Being more present in the energies that are showing up in my day, now in real time in my life and day is helping me to see the lessons, gain wisdom and deepen in what is my real life; Not my fantasy life of past experience or future hopes. WE can make goals and plans and have ideas, yet we should stay rooted in what is really happening and what is in our space.

Some recent work events and dealing with these issues and people and long standing relationships have prompted me to turn towards the technique of being present and not spinning into the tale, staying balanced and within my power of self. By interacting with who, what, where and why is presenting in your face, you can be more clear to move ahead OR stay where you are because there is work or Play to be done!

REpost, Processing the PRO-cess

What began as a "lazy let us sleep in Saturday", quickly opened into a doorway for a huge creative shift for me.

I recently have moved into a shared housing situation and it is going beautifully! There is a lot to combining households and getting the houses in order. I am not a neat freak by any means, but I am a organizer and logical flow type person; therefore I like to set up the flow rather quickly!

11 days in the three bedroom apartment and going to work early in the morning for most of those days, a pattern was emerging and things were finding homes and feeling good. My housemates were scheduled to be on a daytrip so I left this Saturday open for those final touches: setting up the TV/DVD watching (UGH! :) ) and tidying up after christmas tree and other corners and crabby spots with collections, junk drawers etc.

After testing the cat to see if he would run off from the porch, *which he did!! ! I locked him back up:( ....I began dealing with the discarded tree. I connected with the tree because it was still very green and alive and pine scented!
I felt my self singing a song in my head that had been on loop in my car 

I then moved to the TV set up, being a bit frustrated but really wanting a successful result, I breathed through it. I still don't have the internet connected to it,I think I need a splitter piece, but it will play DVD's and that is good for movie buffs like me :)!!!

Then back to the tidying. I have the trash and recycling and we are ready to take a trip to the new dumpster area.  I come back for the tree. I take a different route thru the muddy lawn and notice a tall tree in the lawn has dropped these massive furry acorns. They are fantastic! I have never seen anything like it. They are palm sized and wet and thick brown nuggets, melting into oblivion in the mud. There are no squirrels around, so I think these are inedible for them.

Taking our small fir tree, I drag it the short length to the small dumpster area. Giving it a final glance I say thank you. and realize that my Amala Community has taught me so much about the Earth, its offerings, the abundance, the natural flow of this world. I am not quite ready to let this whole little tree go!

I want to take some of the branches and leave in the house for their scent and continued offering of the holiday spirit. I take two paper bags back out of recycling and wishing I had a small knife :)  but being a country girl I just go for it... I am able to pull of many branches as they connect to the base. They kind of peel off.

I take the pulled pieces of the tree and place them in the bag. I don't know what I will do but I am starting to get ideas... then as I am leaving and bid the tree a final farewell, I pass the acorns again.

I then pick up some handfuls of these. Some of the nuts have fallen out of the woolly casings and they look like mini bird nests. I start flowing with ideas for creative offerings and  thoughts about creating pieces. I can't believe my luck.

Even as I was working with the tree I thought about writing it down on the blog :)
What a turn my Saturday had and so grateful for being able to tap into it after being blocked for many weeks.

I ended up making arrangements of the limbs in various vases around the house. One on the Kitchen sink and one in a bathroom! The acorns are laid in a in a bed of fir limbs, housed in a chip and dip bowl. There is a bowl in the middle and then a parking space around it for chips, which I have put pieces of the tree instead. It looks pretty cool, if I do say so myself  ;)

What is your process? Do you honor it? 
How can you flourish and make time for that which is really burning within you?
Note to self: Make and take the time for these things and give them light and love. Image

 First things first.
stoke the fire of that which burns in you. 

society can wait, propriety can wait, 
taking out the trash can wait... 

sit, move, write, 
think for yourself for five minutes.... 

what arises, ride that wave, the next wave 

will carry you farther, 
farther than you even know right now to go. 

and farther than you even imagined before.

check out the amala foundation at

Thursday, March 28, 2013

keys to the castle

I remember hearing somewhere in my youth, that you can tell a person's level of responsibility by how many keys are on their key chain!

My dad was a a superintendant of a school and had many keys and many key chains. One set to go with whichever "hat" he was wearing at the moment!! He would need one set to get out the yard equipment when he would go trimming trees around the property and then another for the late night call to help with a dorm room incident, and then another for the storage apartments that were past the indian burial ground.....

Friday, February 8, 2013


 Transitions have been tough for me since I last posted in November. I moved out of single lady life and now rooming with a friend and her family. It has been a great place and easy move, BUT.... my stuff, (even though by many standards, I have few possesions) it haunts me! I felt so unorganized, haphazard, and just plain out of sorts! I am at an edge of releasing so many old habits, old hats and still find ways to anchor in the deep ingrained thoughts and patterns!
I like to think I am worldly  and easy going and rolling with it... but in reality and practice and truly I am not seeing that version of me show up. More frequently a scolding, finger wagging, stressed out sleep deprived schizoid is found running my show.  :/

I have been unlinking from some people, places and things and left unsure of where I want to put the new uplinks!  It can seem like it has been a long time, but then the end of 2012 really wasn't that long ago! I also have this feeling of "the time is now!" Which of course it is.... BUT half of the struggle of living in humanity is knowing what you don't want, or don't want to experience again. This is the glass half empty place I come from. I know a lot about what I don't want, and looking for discovery in the realm of what I DO want.

The time is now, and yet not taking the time can be as detrimental as inaction. Last night I attended a Dharma talk at AMALA AUSTIN with founder Vanessa Stone. She talked about the importance of cultivating an Inner Light.  We talk about it, we hear it in the books and readings and meetings of New-Agers and inside Yoga Studios.. but what does this really mean????

To turn on one's inner light is to awaken and turn towards your inner landscape: learning one's own nature and true authenticity.  Going in deep and allowing the Self to rise, to bubble up and learning it's ways. Once one knows this inner landscape, then we can face the world, humanity and happenings outside of us and react in truth. Speaking one's truth, what is really alive in you, in that moment, will resonate with others around you if it is what is really alive. Vanessa also talked about when we live and speak from our whole being and truest self, it is not always sweet, not always well received, but the world could use more truth than sweet!

so February, (hence the title "Feb Brew-ary") is feeling like a reset month, and more is brewing, catching steam and gaining momentum. January had some hurdles, roadblocks and obstacles. In Vanessa's January sitting, she talked about obstacles and gates, which are perceived. There are no real obstacles, only those in the mind. We can be "Stuck" at a gate, but are we really stuck or is there more to experience and let go. "Have we emptied all of our pockets??" "Have we experienced all there is to know at this stage or place?" "When it is time to move on we will know!"

After settling from my move, easing into the new routes and getting over a bout of Flu/allergies, I feel the emergence. A grounding, releasing and flushing has occurred and I AM showing up more as the easy going, let's laugh it off, let's hug it out, let's get outside gal I thought I was!  PEACE!