Tuesday, September 6, 2011

the fine line between too much and too little

Sleep.... slleeeep.. wrestle the sleep monster.for me it is sometimes a struggle.

wake. dream. daydream. wake dreaming.  awaken from the dream and be glad it IS only a dream.

For two nights in a row I had a dream that I was boating in a canoe of sorts, wooden, medium sized.  I am cruising along in some rapids and there is mild panicking in some spots, its all fuzzy and hard to see ahead.

Then I reach this point where there are many folks wading waist deep in a different sort of water. It appears to be the edge of a dam. They are able to stand firm while the water rushes past. I come to this point and realize that I am riding a rapid and need to make it out of a chute of water and launch myself perfectly onto this dock to be able to disembark.

I feel little control and the weight of water as I am pushing against it in an attempt to drive.  I am fast approaching the dock, and the wading people are watching and making motions and hand signals and the situation has an impending heart racing and haunting quality to it.

I realize I am going to fall short of the proper speed to launch on the deal correctly and the water is still rushing quite fast, and the boat crashes and turns over.

The items in the canoe are swimming and sinking all around me.

I reach out to a hand being offered.

There is a calm silence. It is a stop of motion. All becomes still and I can only move my eyes and head while the rest of me is stopped stone cold. I move my eyes around the scene and take it all in.  I no longer have fear but the heart is still reacting from all of the excitement.

The hand and others come and support me and I am lifted out of the water.

Usually I can hear noises in my dreams, but this one is silent as if sound did not even exist.

Comfortable but over excited in the dream, I will myself awake. My eyes pop open and I am safe in bed.
I can almost feel the water receding, draining out of my room.

I think it was some sort of perfect heaven. My worldly possessions falling away as I reached out to the trusted, stranger's hand.

It falls in line with the recent Texas Wildfires.  We hold onto our homes, beloved objects, but in the end, as any of these are threatened, all that matters is your person and those around you. That same sense of loss and panic in my dream some of my friends and neighbors are facing now.  Run from your comfortable space, grab a hand and look towards the horizon.

I sense a huge wave of change heading my way. This change is welcomed.  I have been brewing it for some time. Working on my soul and searching and seeking within myself for the most desired outcome of this life journey.  I am making a move of house in early October and hope the Fall season will be kind in weather and opportunities.

I would like to have the dream again.
I would like to perform the landing of the canoe in the perfect way, but something tells me if I do have the dream again, the lesson is not in making a perfect landing.

The lesson is the gain from the loss. The gain from experience. The opening of a new pathway, one where my old boat is not welcomed.

Maybe I will get super sonic sneakers, maybe a magic carpet.... the thing is I just don't know....
and whatever I can conjure up won't be as amazing what actually transpires :)