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Please enjoy the awakenings and poetic musings of a yogini in Texas, USA: unfolding the human experience through daily observances and nurturing a fresh childlike vision.
~just journey~
I attended Blind Cafe in Austin, held @ Vuka last night. You wait in the lobby and meet your table mates and are then led to your table in the darkness, and right away we noticed the differences in how you interact when in the dark.
Body language is not important, and it was freeing to know that no one could see us. Talking and touch became key to sharing and communicating at the table. It was interesting that I wanted to shut my eyes in the dark and took me a while to be able to just keep them open. The music reached me differently in the dark and they were playing together in the dark, so amazing with the chords and timing!
It was amazing how much closer I thought folks were to me than they were. I had also been in the space before and thought we were seated in a much different area than we were. My experience of the table layout was so different that what it actually was. It was made apparent that your perception is as strong as reality. What I am experiencing and what may be solid furniture can be vastly different, but not affecting me much. I still ate and enjoyed my meal and tablemates, even though my idea of the table was skewed.
The world has so much to offer in so many beautiful ways
and each one of us has an offering to the world in our own way!!
I plan to Go Dark more often and explore the inner and outer landscape in this way. Thank you so much Blind Cafe :D
We can watch ourselves spin out of balance or procrastinate from the true issue with worry, fret, and overwhelming behaviors; Or wait for information that will certainly reveal a path. Option anxiety, can occur when we have many options, and weighing each we cannot discern the best course of action, therefore paralyzed and choosing none or impatiently choosing too early.
Being more present in the energies that are showing up in my day, now in real time in my life and day is helping me to see the lessons, gain wisdom and deepen in what is my real life; Not my fantasy life of past experience or future hopes. WE can make goals and plans and have ideas, yet we should stay rooted in what is really happening and what is in our space.
Some recent work events and dealing with these issues and people and long standing relationships have prompted me to turn towards the technique of being present and not spinning into the tale, staying balanced and within my power of self. By interacting with who, what, where and why is presenting in your face, you can be more clear to move ahead OR stay where you are because there is work or Play to be done!
What began as a "lazy let us sleep in Saturday", quickly opened into a doorway for a huge creative shift for me.
I recently have moved into a shared housing situation and it is going beautifully! There is a lot to combining households and getting the houses in order. I am not a neat freak by any means, but I am a organizer and logical flow type person; therefore I like to set up the flow rather quickly!
11 days in the three bedroom apartment and going to work early in the morning for most of those days, a pattern was emerging and things were finding homes and feeling good. My housemates were scheduled to be on a daytrip so I left this Saturday open for those final touches: setting up the TV/DVD watching (UGH! :) ) and tidying up after christmas tree and other corners and crabby spots with collections, junk drawers etc.
After testing the cat to see if he would run off from the porch, *which he did!! ! I locked him back up:( ....I began dealing with the discarded tree. I connected with the tree because it was still very green and alive and pine scented!
I felt my self singing a song in my head that had been on loop in my car ( FLAMING LIPS, WHAT IS THE LIGHT)
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I then moved to the TV set up, being a bit frustrated but really wanting a successful result, I breathed through it. I still don't have the internet connected to it,I think I need a splitter piece, but it will play DVD's and that is good for movie buffs like me :)!!!
Then back to the tidying. I have the trash and recycling and we are ready to take a trip to the new dumpster area. I come back for the tree. I take a different route thru the muddy lawn and notice a tall tree in the lawn has dropped these massive furry acorns. They are fantastic! I have never seen anything like it. They are palm sized and wet and thick brown nuggets, melting into oblivion in the mud. There are no squirrels around, so I think these are inedible for them.
Taking our small fir tree, I drag it the short length to the small dumpster area. Giving it a final glance I say thank you. and realize that my Amala Community has taught me so much about the Earth, its offerings, the abundance, the natural flow of this world. I am not quite ready to let this whole little tree go!
I want to take some of the branches and leave in the house for their scent and continued offering of the holiday spirit. I take two paper bags back out of recycling and wishing I had a small knife :) but being a country girl I just go for it... I am able to pull of many branches as they connect to the base. They kind of peel off.
I take the pulled pieces of the tree and place them in the bag. I don't know what I will do but I am starting to get ideas... then as I am leaving and bid the tree a final farewell, I pass the acorns again.
I then pick up some handfuls of these. Some of the nuts have fallen out of the woolly casings and they look like mini bird nests. I start flowing with ideas for creative offerings and thoughts about creating pieces. I can't believe my luck.
Even as I was working with the tree I thought about writing it down on the blog :)
What a turn my Saturday had and so grateful for being able to tap into it after being blocked for many weeks. I ended up making arrangements of the limbs in various vases around the house. One on the Kitchen sink and one in a bathroom! The acorns are laid in a in a bed of fir limbs, housed in a chip and dip bowl. There is a bowl in the middle and then a parking space around it for chips, which I have put pieces of the tree instead. It looks pretty cool, if I do say so myself ;)
What is your process? Do you honor it?
How can you flourish and make time for that which is really burning within you?
Note to self: Make and take the time for these things and give them light and love.
I remember hearing somewhere in my youth, that you can tell a person's level of responsibility by how many keys are on their key chain!
My dad was a a superintendant of a school and had many keys and many key chains. One set to go with whichever "hat" he was wearing at the moment!! He would need one set to get out the yard equipment when he would go trimming trees around the property and then another for the late night call to help with a dorm room incident, and then another for the storage apartments that were past the indian burial ground.....
Transitions have been tough for me since I last posted in November. I moved out of single lady life and now rooming with a friend and her family. It has been a great place and easy move, BUT.... my stuff, (even though by many standards, I have few possesions) it haunts me! I felt so unorganized, haphazard, and just plain out of sorts! I am at an edge of releasing so many old habits, old hats and still find ways to anchor in the deep ingrained thoughts and patterns!
I like to think I am worldly and easy going and rolling with it... but in reality and practice and truly I am not seeing that version of me show up. More frequently a scolding, finger wagging, stressed out sleep deprived schizoid is found running my show. :/
I have been unlinking from some people, places and things and left unsure of where I want to put the new uplinks! It can seem like it has been a long time, but then the end of 2012 really wasn't that long ago! I also have this feeling of "the time is now!" Which of course it is.... BUT half of the struggle of living in humanity is knowing what you don't want, or don't want to experience again. This is the glass half empty place I come from. I know a lot about what I don't want, and looking for discovery in the realm of what I DO want.
The time is now, and yet not taking the time can be as detrimental as inaction. Last night I attended a Dharma talk at AMALA AUSTIN with founder Vanessa Stone. She talked about the importance of cultivating an Inner Light. We talk about it, we hear it in the books and readings and meetings of New-Agers and inside Yoga Studios.. but what does this really mean????
To turn on one's inner light is to awaken and turn towards your inner landscape: learning one's own nature and true authenticity. Going in deep and allowing the Self to rise, to bubble up and learning it's ways. Once one knows this inner landscape, then we can face the world, humanity and happenings outside of us and react in truth. Speaking one's truth, what is really alive in you, in that moment, will resonate with others around you if it is what is really alive. Vanessa also talked about when we live and speak from our whole being and truest self, it is not always sweet, not always well received, but the world could use more truth than sweet!
so February, (hence the title "Feb Brew-ary") is feeling like a reset month, and more is brewing, catching steam and gaining momentum. January had some hurdles, roadblocks and obstacles. In Vanessa's January sitting, she talked about obstacles and gates, which are perceived. There are no real obstacles, only those in the mind. We can be "Stuck" at a gate, but are we really stuck or is there more to experience and let go. "Have we emptied all of our pockets??" "Have we experienced all there is to know at this stage or place?" "When it is time to move on we will know!"
After settling from my move, easing into the new routes and getting over a bout of Flu/allergies, I feel the emergence. A grounding, releasing and flushing has occurred and I AM showing up more as the easy going, let's laugh it off, let's hug it out, let's get outside gal I thought I was! PEACE!
There has been talk in my circles about releasing the story of past events. The way we remember things is usually skewed and if you could view it on a movie screen you would likely be amazed at the difference from what you are seeing and what you experienced. When we talk about rewriting past events the focus tends to be on healing a wound, or the negative loop that we keep reliving.
The idea of rewriting ones past or releasing the stories of the past is done in an effort to increase awareness and positivism---lighten the load and retain openness for moments yet to become.
In discussing relationships and relating with my friend Alan, he was explaining how we see what we are focused on and others see what they are focused on, much like we are all viewing life through our own cameras.
Next time you are next to or face to face with someone--- look around and see, hear and feel all the different stimuli surrounding the event and take it all into consideration...
.... ask them to share with you in this experiment and experience how many different things hold your own and the other's attention while trying to relate to one another. Even go within and scan the body and the messages and environment that is present there. So much going on!!
Multiply this in the multitudes of persons and dimensions, time and space and the math is beyond my comprehension :)
This different camera focus theory holds true for past event review. Think of a situation with another person where there is a disagreement, a miscommunication of words. You recall clearly that they said "X", they are holding onto that they said "Y". They are sure beyond a doubt as are you... who is right? What occurred is truly your reality and only your reality.
Unless there was a recording device to review, how can we tell. Well--- we can't go around recording everything and even then we still must develop our own tools and wisdom bank account to guide us through this life :)
I realized to release a story line and cut the fishing line of events that tie you emotionally, spiritually, and physically and so on to these past memories... one must look at both the positive and negative aspects of it.
In surrendering this past cord, one must release the whole nugget, keeping only the wisdom. The ego strokes and the ego dents alike are cast away, processed and sent equally into the sea.
The wisdom to pull away from a hot burner is kept, but not the burned finger; nor the unscathed finger and the pride of not being burned that time.
To be present, open and free one must pay the burner on the stove the same attention, and knowing that situations may occur in that session of cooking where one could become burned.
In cutting the cord of the whole, incorrect, actually imagined memory the unjaded and green eden of mind can then reemerge.
From this new and open place the vista will be more expansive and release judgements of oneself and others.
Being able to see the red rose for its present and current redness and not a rose from a past lover, or an arrangement from a funeral.
The wisdom gained from being bedside at someones passing can remain, but the swirl of feelings about it need not be mixed in.
To see the light that shines currently on the red rose and then be able to follow a new string. this is the work. this is the key. this is the balance in the release.
Have fun practicing this aspect, it's all we can do ..... ~just journey~
Last night I had a plate of Patience, Gratitude and Learning moments that I would like to share.
After yoga and studying, I went to meet up with friends at the local watering hole. (Barton Springs Pool!)
They were finishing a long trail ride on bikes and meeting me there.
It was a special night because when the moon is full many folks take to howling from the 68 degree Spring-fed waters!! So we meet up, take a dip, make noises akin to a wolf, Chewbacca, and a bevy of Beached Seals!!
They guys were starved and even tho I was not hungry and wanted to go home to read, I was persuaded to join them in some Tex Mex.
We tried one place but it closed at ten and we were right on the ten o'clock mark so we went one place down the street. Its Austin TX so Tex Mex is prevalent! We were seated right away on an outside patio. This is where it gets really interesting, Really Quickly;
A man drops off some chips without a word. Another table of four is seated near us.
At this point we don't know who are server is, as people are around but no one has communicated with us. The other four top gets waited on and their server departs. She comes back with drinks for them.
One of my friends, lets call him Ace...is sharing that he notices a table piled full with dirty plates and says this is a bad sign for service and I agree, tossing him kudos for his detective work. I offer to go to the bar for waters as I am in need and the guys are antsy. Quickly Ace takes the initiative and goes inside and I sit back with my boyfriend. The man who gave us chips comes back to our table and takes our drink order and we also order a food item.
Meanwhile our friend comes back and has missed this exchange. Ace drops off water glasses at our table, sits for a moment, then says calmly, "Lets leave."
We reply there isn't really anywhere to go... He says "well, I'm leaving" and gets up, quick pats on our backs and he has gone.
As he is leaving, there is a stir. Ace had talked to the manager, also a barkeep, and now our server is coming out with drinks. The communication has opened up slowly, yet the action plays out quickly. I wish I had noticed the actual time.... maybe ten or more actual minutes have passed since we were seated?
Yes the other table seated around the same time had a different experience, but how do we compare? Our experience is ours to be with right?!
So he has gone, his drink order and the nachos come and as the remaining twosome we are bewildered. We right our ship to the wave of attention from staff and get things settled that we are staying and its all good. Whew!
As we sit, I recall the teachings I have been learning this summer in my 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Certification at Dharma Yoga. It is all bubbling into the present moment as I am seeing my self observe this situation and cannot believe the patience space I am holding. I was able to employ an observer's stance and just observe without getting into the situation. This kept me from acting to quickly.
Had we really been on a boat, it would have tipped over soon after we boarded!
I begin to think about Sunyata- the Buddhist term describing emptiness. Sunyata, pronounced Shun-yah-tah, referes to the inherent emptiness of all things and situations. The value placed on these things is tied to perception and the circumstances applied to it. As situations, perceptions and all things change so does this value... therefore the object /situation is empty of value until we place it there.... Please Read more on the link for a further explanation pertaining to non-attachment.
An example my teacher illustrated used the Tibetan Singing bowl we use in class ringing it to signal the beginning and end of class. He rang it a few times while explaining that we all see and hear and agree that his is a singing bowl. He wadded up a piece of paper and tossed it into the bowl it then became a trash can!
This also speaks to the impermanence of all things and how there are no inherently good or bad actions. There is only the circumstances to which the decision or action is applied.
While reading the Bhagavad Gita we are shown that one of the main characters must decide if he is to go to war or leave the land in peace. Both are not what he wants and hurt is heart, but what would serve the greater good???
Another book in the Summer Reading list was Awakening the Buddha Within, authored by Lama Surya Das. In this wonderful book he relates many stories to assist us in applying the Eight Fold Path of Buddhism to our everyday modern lives.
One example he illustrates is how an Upstate New York Monastery he was spearheading was being overrun with cockroaches! The monks were at first trying to make it work, but then threatened with being shut down by health inspectors and also with students leaving. Their practice of non violence and easing suffering were being tested in a real and tangible way. After many meetings, meditations, and prayers of release; the extermination trucks pulled up and the school remained open and roach free. The situation may have warranted the School to be turned into a cockroach sanctuary if it was discovered to be the last remaining specimens of the species. In this situation the value of the school and the teachings and works that would be activated called for this action.
To recognize the breakdown in communication and realize that when we act quickly and with lazer focus, so much of what is happening can be left out. As we sat and finished our meal we talked with the manager, the server, another server and we were able to share all sides of the story and transmute karma in this lifetime!
There is the the karma of this lifetime and also many lifetimes. I like to think on the karma of this lifetime and apply it in the present happenings.
For example, by choosing to stay and work the situation we eased the outcome. Our server first had come over and said, "What is going on, Now I'm in trouble with my boss." He said this quietly and with a pained expression. This man had been working hard all night and was confused, as he was doing the best he could with his circumstances. Also the manager we talked with during and after the meal was able to understand how the events unfolded. What if our server was fired on the spot, went home and had to move and leave town and his family, etc etc you get the idea. Ace had just had a long bike ride, sugar crashed, very hungry and thirsty and also had a long drive home and that was his story.
The threads are all woven together in a tapestry and pull on one will push on another
and so on and so forth....
I was watching this happen to me in real time! It was such a different experience than I might have had. I was so excited to dissect the situation and apply the ideas I had been working on and reading about all summer. My boyfriend and I shared the aspects and had a nice teaching and learning discussion. We checked on Ace and he had safely made his way home. What a weird wild wonderful world we live in. Taking a few deep breaths and using my new toolkit is keeping the Vern Boat afloat with a wave of wonder.........................
