Friday, May 20, 2011

to do list

i didn't mean to blow the lid off but i did.  my heart was hurt that the walls were up. hurt a lot. hemmed in with traffic and stress. nothing to do but sit and redress.  

when i talk i cannot find the right words to state the burning totem of my heart.  the words fumble into marbles. then i say some other fluff that turns into buffer and filth. 

what i wanted to say is that i am going to miss you.

i already do. how can i miss what is already not here.

i guess because i saw it so clear. a visage a mirage a view in some life line some timeline some image in my brain pan.  maybe a dream.  i dream of effortless words that swim from my tongue to the lakes of your ears and puddle at the core of your understanding.

i dread tomorrow because tonight i do not sleep. i dread next hour because i cannot cease to weep. i dread my dread because it causes me more dread.

the point the message was loud and clear.   satellites of the outer realm, not in the pack.  not one to age into the old. not to unfold the years and be layered into the rock of life sediment.

my destiny is loneliness. my tongue may as well be cut out with its uselessness.  

my brain may as well be knifed for its inability to render speech of any consequence that doesn't sound like a whinnying nag.

a new dawn. a new day. the clouds thick but breaking away.

a new breath holds a different light. the next breath a new life. the waves crashing only every few minutes now.

i seek to speak again with only positrons and electricity. use me for purpose.


~just journey~

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