... Just Journey

around the corner of the corner store

2012-02-16T10:19:00.000-06:00

As I waited next to your bike at the quik mart, while you ran in for an energy drink....

I peered around the corner of the corner store.

I spy a couple leaning against their car,

she holding two pieces of paper and him a cardboard case of beer.

They are locked in on each other's gaze and smiling really big.

I zoom in with my natural stare and see her passing the papers over from one hand to the other and back again, laughing playfully, showing all her teeth and shining brightly in the dimly lit street.

He reaches out his free hand to point to one and then I realize they are lottery tickets and

they have placed a wish on each paper.

A dream and a prayer held in the space between them, although they have already won.

Winning the prize of each other's shared company and dollars scratched off or not they have a recipe for a grand Valentine's day night. <3

2011-12-09T14:34:00.001-06:00

defining moment. thud.

past passed. settling into the stun.

the cosmos honors soul thought; rings closer to my eternal sun.

the fork has spooned. the life a knife, cuts closer to the truth.

relief and debrief, from the bored-room , I run.

the skeleton is always smiling

2011-12-09T14:32:00.001-06:00

strip away the lands of time, these skins of mine and sit with me dear friend.
take away the mask you know and replace it with your own.
sit in the deep and grow roots, and then stand an oak.
these bones, only a support for your cosmic cloak

then came all...

2011-12-08T09:14:00.001-06:00

And All of the Love of my Heart...

All of the breath of my Soul,
All of the money in the world,
All of the spaces within the Universe,
All of the history of the Earth...

Couldn't change the Truth of you and me.

eleven eleven eleven

2011-11-11T10:09:00.001-06:00

eleven. eleven. eleven. I like the straight sticks of eleven. 11.

it feels clean and new today. like some kind of heart opening newness. my breaths feel deeper and my mind calming with a knowing.

there is an opening. there is a gathering. there is the straight and welcoming edges of ones. and so many ones. so many ones gathering together. when one gathers with other ones the circle has edges. the edges form sacred geometry and create a whole species of movement that one cannot form alone.

hug your self, hug your neighbor, hug the sun, hug the earth.

Let us as a people create a place where good ideas get rewarded and inventions are not stolen and politicians are not bought and sold :) Let us gather our friends and family and garner love and thoughtfulness as cool. Let us encourage sharing and caring;
and quit trying to run a race... we are all going the same place.

Walk with me...

2011-10-14T09:37:00.003-05:00

The ocean waves of traffic hum now from lamar blvd.

A vee shaped flock of white birds lit up against the dark sky by

such a bright lady of moon.

Loitering in closed shop windows, dreaming of a workshop

and an old house on the hill.

The few drops of rain spring forth an occupation of star burst

wildflowers, smiling in a spasm of ecstasy.

the fine line between too much and too little

2011-09-06T12:43:00.001-05:00

Sleep.... slleeeep.. wrestle the sleep monster.for me it is sometimes a struggle.

wake. dream. daydream. wake dreaming. awaken from the dream and be glad it IS only a dream.

For two nights in a row I had a dream that I was boating in a canoe of sorts, wooden, medium sized. I am cruising along in some rapids and there is mild panicking in some spots, its all fuzzy and hard to see ahead.

Then I reach this point where there are many folks wading waist deep in a different sort of water. It appears to be the edge of a dam. They are able to stand firm while the water rushes past. I come to this point and realize that I am riding a rapid and need to make it out of a chute of water and launch myself perfectly onto this dock to be able to disembark.

I feel little control and the weight of water as I am pushing against it in an attempt to drive. I am fast approaching the dock, and the wading people are watching and making motions and hand signals and the situation has an impending heart racing and haunting quality to it.

I realize I am going to fall short of the proper speed to launch on the deal correctly and the water is still rushing quite fast, and the boat crashes and turns over.

The items in the canoe are swimming and sinking all around me.

I reach out to a hand being offered.

There is a calm silence. It is a stop of motion. All becomes still and I can only move my eyes and head while the rest of me is stopped stone cold. I move my eyes around the scene and take it all in. I no longer have fear but the heart is still reacting from all of the excitement.

The hand and others come and support me and I am lifted out of the water.

Usually I can hear noises in my dreams, but this one is silent as if sound did not even exist.

Comfortable but over excited in the dream, I will myself awake. My eyes pop open and I am safe in bed.
I can almost feel the water receding, draining out of my room.

I think it was some sort of perfect heaven. My worldly possessions falling away as I reached out to the trusted, stranger's hand.

It falls in line with the recent Texas Wildfires. We hold onto our homes, beloved objects, but in the end, as any of these are threatened, all that matters is your person and those around you. That same sense of loss and panic in my dream some of my friends and neighbors are facing now. Run from your comfortable space, grab a hand and look towards the horizon.

I sense a huge wave of change heading my way. This change is welcomed. I have been brewing it for some time. Working on my soul and searching and seeking within myself for the most desired outcome of this life journey. I am making a move of house in early October and hope the Fall season will be kind in weather and opportunities.

I would like to have the dream again.
I would like to perform the landing of the canoe in the perfect way, but something tells me if I do have the dream again, the lesson is not in making a perfect landing.

The lesson is the gain from the loss. The gain from experience. The opening of a new pathway, one where my old boat is not welcomed.

Maybe I will get super sonic sneakers, maybe a magic carpet.... the thing is I just don't know....
and whatever I can conjure up won't be as amazing what actually transpires :)

my dearest dearest Dana...

2011-07-14T12:27:00.008-05:00

LINK YOGA YOGA MEMORIAL QUOTES

LINK TO YOGA YOGA Article
Dear Dana:
I witnessed your service of memorial yesterday. It was a beautiful gathering of kin and kinfolk. I loved being able to see your hands once again. You used them so expressively when you talked and laughed and told stories and hugged me. Your hands, they also touched your mat, which you loved so dearly. I love how you loved yoga and running into you there was usually the best part of my day. I hope you knew that. I hope that I energized you too. I hope my hugs reached you too. I know they did, but I have a sense of wonder... " Did you know how you were part of me and my experience"

Your sudden passing has wretched me and etched in my mind. The course of my reality changed forever. Your portrait in my landscape, and your angel on my shoulder. The deep learning I am gaining from this experience with you in my life and now gone has been like a masters course in the College of Life. I cannot THANK YOU enough.

I wanted to speak at your service, and many did: sharing stories, talking to your Family and expressing the essence of you in their life. I did not get up to speak and later throughout my day I realized I wanted to speak to you. I kept picturing you at a service for me and how you would be courageous and bold and talk about stories we shared. I miss that we did not make more time together to make more memories. I cherish the hike you and Danielle and I took at St Edwards park, the times we spent at Kona Grill, talking about boys and wishing for men :) I remember when you made a red velvet cake for a client three times, because you didn't like the results. This was one of your Facebook postings and then I replied with a link to the Armadillo cakes with blood red filling and also a link to making Zombie skulls. It was so funny that we went from your cake making to Zombies. You sent me many encouraging quotes on Facebook and videos of Cats doing funny things.

I wanted you to meet my cats and see my house. We ran out of time, I invite you still. You are welcome to visit me any time or place. Your spirit is my soul sister. I am aligned with you and speak this now.

I was reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead and spoke some of the poems in your honor. I trust that you were wise and moved through whatever you needed to at the instant of your passing.

Dana "Wise Woman" Wiseman, you were a warrior princess. When last we spoke I heard of your recent medical discovery, I recoiled, I drew inward. I do not know why I didn't reach out to you and offer the support that I wanted to. I thought I would have time to help you when you got more information. I also entertained a vision that your were free of pain and need not worry, that you would prevail as you always have. I don't know why I dropped that ball and this haunts me at moments.

One of the last messages between us and friends on Facebook you said...."
I have come to realize with everything I have been through in this lifetime is there is nothing I can not handle or get through.. Especially with good friends...."

I have learned that I need to express myself to my friends always and be present, show up and let them know always. I offer this to you now. Late in the thread but still woven in the tapestry of the universe. Thank you Thank you Thank you for receiving me and allowing me in your life story. I will look for your spirit in the waft of the wind and in the sun rays peeking around corners and filtering through the clouds.

We love you. S Veronica

... Just Journey: - Global Youth Peace Summit 2010 Amala Foundation

2011-06-06T11:24:00.000-05:00

... Just Journey: - Global Youth Peace Summit 2010 Amala Foundation

wonderwall

2011-05-23T16:56:00.012-05:00

Lately I have been vacillating between RAW and balanced. Going thru a cycle of sleep difficulty. Sometimes I sleep like a baby and sometimes I sleep like a newborn baby, if you catch my drift!
This past week or two I have been the fitful sleeper, unable to get to sleep very early and then stay asleep as long as I may want. WHY am I telling you this you may be asking.... well it has afforded me that sort of inspiring insanity that only sleep deprivation plus stress and life experience can provide.....

Whammy! My younger sister just had a beautiful baby girl. We were on baby watch for one week past the due date and finally the call came in. It's time.

Well this called the fam into action. and the extended fam and the friends we call fam and the mountain of attention and clamor that follows good news. I had several conversations with my parents throughout the day setting up our plans to give support. We were nervous and excited and there was a river of calm over the white water falls. Everyone talking at once, thinking so many thoughts and trying to express logic from our hearts.

Time passed and I was called to the family waiting area of St David's hospital. After picking up the especially requested after delivery meal of a thundercloud sub from the birth mother herself, I settled in with the in laws and my pater familia. There was lots to discuss: getting me up to speed, sharing hopes and fears and "when you were little" stories. It was fun, but we were also clamoring for new news of the baby. When finally we were ushered into Labor and Delivery room 4, I see the minutes old life form and deliver the very necessary meal to my sister. We catch up quickly and snap a few pics.

The baby is then taken to the nursery where they start poking and prodding and give her a first bath. So the conglomerated family is gathering there and the joy and bliss on everyone's faces is almost too much to bear. I need to sit down. I am tired and happy and hungry myself. I did nothing to assist the birth but feel so connected to it. We are watching through the window at the baby and she is being protected by her father right by her side. The new grandmas and grandpas and aunts and phones buzzing with a tangible and palpable ether. We are communing on the Other side. On the other side of a wonderwall.

The emotion powerful and it touched me deeply, and caught me off guard. It shone a spotlight on those sub issues of childhood and family times. Issues meaning experiences and perceptions, getting needs met in a group of people stuck in a house(sometimes a car :) together... I drifted into a daydream, imagining everyone present, in their first minutes of life and being in the same situation. At the nursery, watched over by new parents, old folks, loving nurses and crotchety doctors? Being taken in, bridging the gap, lifting the veil from what was to what is happening because life has just been born...

We stayed a while in awe of every movement and the mood of pure love. It just struck me in a weakened place and rocked me to the core.

I have spent a lot of time in my life numbing and short circuiting both good and bad experiences, pain and disappointments. Maybe more than the average bear, but not necessarily, as we all deal with what we deal with. There is a saying that you will never be given more than you can handle. I have spent almost as much time and effort to reconnect these circuits. Through spiritual journey, yoga practice and working with myself and others who fall into my journey.

Sometimes the RAW overtakes the balance. Sometimes the balance is boring and we don't know what we have. Sometimes we forget and grasp too tightly and forget what we are even trying to hold onto. Sometimes life is just a perfect bite and we can hardly even taste it all and don't want to swallow.

I thought I would find out more about how I feel about motherhood for myself,as it is a question all women must ask. Watching my sister pilot her journey into motherhood has been so sweet and she has done a might fine job, mighty fine!! I am not one of those gals hearing a loud call to bring a child into the world and visit the question every so often.

I am going to continue re-circuiting, making sure to have a special place for all my "family".

I think I will take one baby step at a time; which is really all we can ever do, even from our very first moments here on planet Earth.

to do list

2011-05-20T01:11:00.002-05:00

i didn't mean to blow the lid off but i did. my heart was hurt that the walls were up. hurt a lot. hemmed in with traffic and stress. nothing to do but sit and redress.

when i talk i cannot find the right words to state the burning totem of my heart. the words fumble into marbles. then i say some other fluff that turns into buffer and filth.

what i wanted to say is that i am going to miss you.

i already do. how can i miss what is already not here.

i guess because i saw it so clear. a visage a mirage a view in some life line some timeline some image in my brain pan. maybe a dream. i dream of effortless words that swim from my tongue to the lakes of your ears and puddle at the core of your understanding.

i dread tomorrow because tonight i do not sleep. i dread next hour because i cannot cease to weep. i dread my dread because it causes me more dread.

the point the message was loud and clear. satellites of the outer realm, not in the pack. not one to age into the old. not to unfold the years and be layered into the rock of life sediment.

my destiny is loneliness. my tongue may as well be cut out with its uselessness.

my brain may as well be knifed for its inability to render speech of any consequence that doesn't sound like a whinnying nag.

a new dawn. a new day. the clouds thick but breaking away.

a new breath holds a different light. the next breath a new life. the waves crashing only every few minutes now.

i seek to speak again with only positrons and electricity. use me for purpose.

ॐ

~just journey~

living in the grid

2011-05-19T11:39:00.003-05:00

i want to wear you like my favorite tshirt.
i want to play a fuzzy sweater song; the kind you can put on and on and on.
the perfect shoe fits like a glove.

i want to drive fast in a fancy car.
i dream of travel; going away too far.
maybe to return on a shooting star.

i want to kiss and hug someone a little to long.
i want to find somewhere i belong.
that place where i can say and do little wrong.

i want to sit and be so still.
i want to run and dance and whip.
maybe find a stream and swim.

keeping options open, mind ajar.

or close it up and go within, have happy hour inside my head.
lay down for too many days in bed.
forgo the invite, forget to clean.
maybe be nasty, rude, even mean.

does it even matter if no one hears you scream
does it even matter if they did.

does it?

i ask it to the abyss.
the reply comes echoed back and is this...

no and yes and yes and no.
you can come and you can go.
it doesn't matter what or when.
you can suck and you can blow.
because we just don't know.

To Little Lady Laughlin-

2011-05-18T10:10:00.001-05:00

I knew and loved your mother once

For a year—well, nine months

In the special way she knows you, too,

From deep inside, with feelings new.

She feels your moves, your jabs, your kicks.

Sometimes she'd swear your doing tricks.

You're in her womb and in her heart.

Yes, she has loved you from the start.

From Em's size we know you're growing.

Because of you her face is glowing.

Waiting patiently is Curt, your dad.

When you arrive he'll be so glad.

Grandmas, Grandpas, Uncles and Aunts

Are set to sing our Welcome Chant,

With open hearts and outstretched arms,

Embracing you with all your charms.

Cute and smart, a little stinky,

We'll be wrapped around your pinky.

Bat your lashes and wink your eye

It's doubtful that we won't comply.

Please let Mom sleep. She needs her rest.

For soon you'll put her to the test.

We all are eager, can you hear?

Just don't be late for your premier.

I hope this doesn't go to your head,

I hesitate, but it must be said.

Of this we're sure, we don't mean maybe,

Survey says, “You're one special baby.”

Love, Grandma Peggy Niksich

April 16, 2011

fifth sense of love

2011-04-14T13:07:00.002-05:00

I love...

turning right on red.

leaning over to pet the cat.

the sound of percolating coffee.

the smell of mist.

the belief of if.

I love...

a hug so tight.
smiling on the inside.
seeing plants and trees grow over time.
touching infinity.
seeing you in your own eye.
and running with the wind to nowhere fast.

I love...

wildflowers.
the moment right before I fall asleep.
liquid sunshine dripping on my skin.
watching fire burn.
reading old notes.
your handwriting.
watching when you think I am not looking.

Georgetown Sun City Tennis League Champion

2011-03-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

An Update from Sun City. Georgetown TX.

This Spring, MARCH 2011, Ron Niksich won the Mens A Tennis League Championship for a second time. He also competed and won this tournament last year. Congratulations Ron!!

Sun City Georgetown is a community with a bounty of activity for its residents. There are several golf courses, garden centers, community halls, events and sports leagues. There is an extensive Tennis community that thrives here. The residents have formed an intricate system of brackets and substitution rules and monitor this themselves in a professional manner.

He and his wife Peggy, have lived in this active retirement community for two years. They both keep very busy with Tennis, Spanish, Jazzercise and the Sun City Singers.

Projections of separation

2011-02-08T09:27:00.003-06:00

sub. deep. below. down down down the caverns of my mind.

i live there more and more of the time.

it is hard to reach me there enfolded unto myself.

it is hard to see me there emboldened with ninja stealth.

you may see me but not be near me and not get in my game.

it is like pulling a nut through a knot hole and pull it through again.

busy like a rabbit, buzzy like a bee, I wouldn't wish that anyone is compelled to this degree.

constant humming, mental drumming, this body is numbing due to pain.

all imagined, all conjured, unreal and it cycles through this warped brain.

far from the source, continues the morphs and then stiffen to the corpse i have become.

it is a godsend i dont believe in guns.

because this particular instance is not any fun.

because this particular instance is not any fun.

question.....

2010-12-30T10:24:00.007-06:00

Q:Modern Yoga Practice?

I am reading Mark Singleton's book. Yoga body, and wondering if anyone has knowledge that supports or contests his assertation that modern (transnational) yoga is a modern day thing. Is there a connection between the philosophies and hindu traditions? Is it possible that what we practice is only decades old? I am particularly curious about reaction to the book from various Indian institutions? Do they view this as westerners trying to take credit for their 'invention" or is this consistent with what some have said all along, that the postures are not really yoga?

MY RESPONSE:

I believe modern yoga like most things of this day in age are the conglomeration of many things. Just yesterday there was a commentary posted on NPR, http://www.npr.org/2010/12/29/132207910/yoga-a-positively-un-indian-experience?sc=emaf

that discusses this very idea. The posting reaches the conclusion that todays yoga, while it draws on ancient Hindu deities and ideas, is a modernized form of practice. Yoga in history and in India are usually very different than the sessions we employ in our after work endeavors. I have also heard that present forms of Vinyasa and Ashtanga are forms of British Gymnastics. That the British, while in India, incorporated some asanas with a training program they had to birth the vigorous style some of us subscribe to now.

The way that we schedule and perform in our lives; sitting in cars, desks and restaurants, feeding our egos and bank accounts, leaves me lacking most days. I find that yoga helps me to shed my monkey mind, challenge myself, hear about alternate ways of looking at situations and teaches me to link my breath to my body. These concepts are new to the American culture and not taught in many other venues. Yoga allows me to link to my inner body by opening my energy channels, creating space and allows me to sit still and perform more meditative states. It has also been told to me that yoga prepares the body so that it can sit in more stillness and meditate longer and more effectively. This in turn allows practitioners to find the soft subtle self and reap more answers to thoughtful and seeking questions they might be asking themselves.

It takes a lot to unplug and remove one self from the technologies and conveniences we have in our daily lives. One teacher of mine, Jenn Wooten, has said, something to the effect that it would be nice to go and sit in a cave (akin to ancient yogis) and meditate and be away from what we are dealing with and then come back with the found approach. But that is a luxury we cannot afford and we must be able to deal with situations as they come up, as they are happening and choose the higher response. Yoga can teach us that everything is a miracle and there are no wrong movements or actions,IT just is.

On a basic level yoga has reconnected me to my body. Our body is our spacesuit or garment that we wear to experience life. It has been discussed that body posture, correct breathing, even smiling and body language are core aspects that can enhance our experience this existence. For me, Yoga trains these processes and I can call upon them for assistance throughout my day. It has been proven (in Science and to myself) that the way we think about ourselves,posture our bodies and present our person to others will affect our interaction; and in turn this will affect our reactions...

Yoga has also afforded me a community of like minded souls that I do not believe I would find elsewhere. The studios are communal places where many different bodies, styles, and persons gather to practice, play and participate with each other. Yoga, once learned can be a very spiritual practice, much like a full body prayer and practiced alone. I keep coming back to class to fill my soul with new teachings and be with others. We take turns pouring energy out and taking energy in to balance this life. All of energy has a push and pull, and what we do from the moment we wake until we rest every day affects something or someone.

I also believe in the physical benefits of yoga, as far as, balance, strengthening and flexibility. Many times I have noticed how, although athletic my whole life, after several years of yoga practices am I the strongest physically. I am also quicker to react when faced with uneven ground and less likely to injure myself if running or doing other activities. The only thing I can say negatively about yoga is that it does take a bit of time and commitment and will change ones life and habits greatly if taken on as a major activity :)

All in all, the yoga I practice is a modern spiritual soup of the best and beautiful practices, that allow me growth, functionality and enjoyment with this American Life I am now living. Thank you for supporting me in class, sharing your highest energies and your willingness to dive deeper into your selves.

the sign says significant insignificance

2010-12-02T10:20:00.003-06:00

the power of communication is one of those ever intangible things of this world. do others really ever heed what we are trying to convey? does the message get across, how does one expect another to truly be wholly within your experience. this takes clear conscious communication from deep inside one's own being. even then the transmission can only hope to reach a percentage of clarity for the intended participant. i have a lot to learn in communicating. placating and dancing: i have no more use for those lessons... the tough lessons keep coming back for me to take on. and they will continue until the learning has been done. a big decision is being presented. a life plan with real tangible results is on the horizon. this will take communication for me to convey my desires to this world. no longer can i hope for assumption, luck and irony to tow my ropes. i know that a message can be sent from myself to others, but no longer can i be lazy or can we take a break from this. it is the most important thing. there is no point in talking if no point is to be made.

Also sometimes the power of silence and keeping thoughts and projections to oneself are very important. By spreading out the energy of a thought or idea or retelling of a circumstance and story do you only feed or take away from its force. Take care in what you say to yourself as well. Your self speak is likely the most important place to start using conscious language. AS I said in the beginning of this post, You are the only one who is wholly within your experience, you might as well be nice to yourself and have a bit of fun, and not take this (life) shit too seriously.

I had a moment where dealing with pilot light and gas and heat and had a flash of imagination that there could easily be an explosion and I would be blown to bits. I took a deep breath and welcomed life and death in the same breath. It was a powerful moment to realize that this is all a gift and a borrowed one at that. A friend of mine told me that someone in her class at UT was found dead in his apartment, mid 30 year old undergrad.... poof, gone to the other plane of life after this life.... chew on this my friends and speak from your heart and body mind connection. This life is significant and insignificant all in the same token. A one sided coin. NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE. LOVE

broken, yet perfect...

2010-11-29T15:15:00.003-06:00

Golly gee...
Look at me so fancy and full of intention....
when its all said and done, ask did you have fun? ...

then you can be sure of the direction.

Days full of technical quirks, the computer is a jerk, the streaming was done while i was dreaming...

Hit a speed bump and dissolve into a lump; try to avoid ditches full of bitches.

No energy to disagree,
still I cannot foster a new agreement.

Nights with screaming streets and easy treats leave me lean, no longer green.
Dark dank alleys mapped in the memory mind,
How lucky I turned at the right time.

My unknown prayer saying, "One day one time it may align, live with this hope or leave it all behind."

Broken, yet perfect... distinguished by scars, barred from biker bars, played by guitars and strung out in a melody of me.

Swim easy like a mermaid, dance like a cat on catnip and smile as a dog with a bone...

Sing a sigh of relief because you have called your own master home.

Broken, yet perfect... the valley only low because the mountain grew,

out of the light and into the depth of me with you.

Meet force with the forceful, meet peace with the peaceful, meet love with power of a whole heart.

Once relaxed the bonds coalesce and the caress is felt through and through.

How good, how real: to be broken and perfect and true.

photos: myquite via Greece

oh and another thing....

2010-11-15T01:29:00.008-06:00

just a reminder, just a note, all of this seeming forgone conclusion is all a joke.

It can change every moment, in a flash, the things you hold dear smoked out in a flash.

Just think of what you think of yourself today, and how many costumes you will put on your masked soul in this way.

Imagine impermanence and imagine it for real, take on an idea of permanence and how does that feel? The only thing constant and forever is change, just when you get an idea and get used to it, it will go out of range.

You are forever a changeling and others are too, this is not just your universe, I live in it too.

WE don't always get whatever we want, but for god sakes can I get it without getting caught.... getting caught in the memory, or lost in the dream? for whatever I am into is not whatever it seems.

true reflections

2010-11-04T10:32:00.002-05:00

When the mirror is taken away all I have is you to tell me my projection. There is no truer rendition of reflection. And tell me what do you see?

wait for it

2010-11-02T15:20:00.008-05:00

waiting for it. the breeze, the traffic light, the rain to fall.

waiting for it. the breath to stop, the breath to start, the love of us all.

waiting for it. the sun to shine, the sun to set, the life i imagined to start yet.

while i sit here and wait, the life blurs by.

while i stand here defiant of what is and cry.

i wait for the alarm, the important call, the slow guy in line, i smile and say this is the life.

this is our choice to be in this car. this is my choice to let this go on so far.

this is where we choose to begin. this is where we can let spirit in.

waiting for it. the transition to cease. i will be kept waiting for what ends, repeats.

the life happens whether we ride or not.

turning into the flow and catching a strand, i wait... and feel the continuous force of life come in.

only after a moment of accepting what is... can i begin to imagine the what if

Everyone is beautiful in the light that plays with leaves and dances in dirt.

2010-10-07T11:27:00.003-05:00

I am sitting here waiting, patient and free.

The site of the shadowed tree captures me.

Liquid Sunshine melts in between each of the leaves.

The Shade and the Sunlight playing frivolously.

Feel the hunger before you eat. That tired emptiness, an aching void.

Feel the fullness of the meal that has been taken in.

Everyone is beautiful in the light that plays with leaves and dances in dirt.

Just a hint of moving air, just enough to tickle my hair.

Subtle, gentle and ever so soft; a cotton looking pollen ball hovers aloft.

I am sitting here waiting, patient and free.

The site of the shadowed tree captures me.

Liquid Sunshine melts in between each of the leaves.

The Shade and the Sunlight playing frivolously.

whatever works

2010-09-25T09:09:00.006-05:00

I used to piss off my mom to no end, as a teenager, when asked a question , I would shrug my shoulders high, roll my eyes and reply...." Whatever!"

I recall being wholly committed to the Whatever philosophy as an adolescent. I truly did not care. It was whatever, I'll go to church. Whatever, going to the Mall. It was Whatever that I wanted for my birthday. Whatever was also what I usually had done in school that day. Whatever replied to the waitress. Whatever was told to my father countless times, when told about Colleges, stocks and other adult topics.

Whatever also extended well in play with friends and teammates. Whatever was what I wanted to do most weekends, eat at their house, and to watch on TV.

Along the way the Whatever Philosophy fell out of my bag of tricks and was replaced with more engaging and thoughtful replies.Whatever did not seem to serve the purpose driven life, or nail a job interview. Adultism spread like a virus through my brain and canceled the Whatevers that I had swimming in my head.

Today, I would like to try a shoulder shrugging Whatever response to my world. I think this could be the missing link between me and my highest purpose. If I can employ a fraction of the Whatevers that I had in high school, I might be able to get out of my own way today. I could find myself in a hot air balloon trip around the world, a newly scratched off Million dollar lottery ticket, with the band members of KISS, a movie ready wardrobe and my one true love.

Employing the Whatever philosophy to one's life, although technically rude and obnoxious as a response; one is opening to possibility. Letting Universe decide. Taking this armchair approach and relaxed devil may care attitude frees up alot of junk and lets things fall into place.

I will get back with you and let you know how this enhances or screws up my day. Or not...

!WHATEVER! :/

caretaker take care

2010-09-16T11:17:00.004-05:00

through the darkness you merged into my field
and sit atop my monkey mind;
peace flowing like a broken honeycomb.

sweet night air gaining thickness and depth.
quickly, you whisper a comforting quilt of words in the language that goes without saying.

treetops swaying with the angel's song; we sit for a momentous moment;
frozen in the blaze of truth.

the exchange complete, there is a soft exiting, barefoot on fallen leaves.

tears fall to wash a heart broken open wide and shining as though it were dawn.

the train rumbles softly

2010-08-30T16:19:00.017-05:00

TRAIN RUMBLES SOFTLY.

PRAYER BEADS FROM INDIA.

THE TREE ROOTS WITHIN.

So how about it. How about this spacesuit that holds our consciousness. How about this magical existence we ride along. What a cosmic game.

Its actually more of a cosmic joke. hahaha. I'm not laughing, I'm crying for you and for me. How can this be? How can this be the ticket to ride? to wrestle with whatever is going on inside. to have it all laid out in front pretty in a row. its alll so messy with so much in tow, cant turn this way or that, not without causing a stir.

when our hearts collide

2010-08-25T10:35:00.004-05:00

The words, they are nothing without the power of your heart;

the Time will come for You to do your part.

As sure as the sky above and the oceans so wide,

I will see You when our hearts collide.

The moment will be in a curious flash.

The elements of air, water, fire and humanity shall combine,

and the result will be a piece of our heart's mind.

- Global Youth Peace Summit 2010 Amala Foundation

2010-08-19T13:35:00.003-05:00

I have no exacting words for camp that will encompass and encapsulate the experience.

While you are there trekking about, running into the love and tripping over the open hearts, you are in another world.

A world fueled by love, respect, honesty and community. It is a feeling; a state of being.

Language does not reach it. Language was not bearing or a barrier.

When coming towards someone who did not speak my English words, their heart and eyes held a conversation with mine.

Opening up to possibilities and new pathways. Conversations and community being created with one passionate purpose.

Truly One Village

My duties were to hold space, offer support, assist with kitchen set up and clean up for three meals a day for maybe two hundred campers and volunteers. I also elected myself the peace keeper of the ranch house: bringing goodies of crystals, sage, candles, rain sticks, drums and my guitar. large plastic flowers, flying monkeys, space aged flashlights, red feather boas, blinking lighted caterpillars and a radio to keep up the spirits of the volunteers :) I brought way too much and loved it!

WE stayed up late, others stayed up later. WE cried and others cried more. WE laughed until our bellies were sore and others laughed even harder. WE laid on the road to see the meteor shower in the dark country sky. WE gathered in silence around a flag pole for Peace. WE hugged and played soccer. WE swam in The Blue Hole and Blanco River. WE sang songs and banged on drums. WE made art pieces and wrote PEACE statements. WE circled up and shared. WE became ONE village and

emerged PEACE LEADERS.

The cat is named HERCULES...

2010-07-29T11:34:00.005-05:00

So the cat. The cat is named Hercules. Without fail, the lovely fur ball will begin the morning ritual. He wanders across my chest paying no mind to my supine resting and sleeping body. He then sits near my face in an effort to be close enough to begin the process of pawing at my nose.

Sometimes he will even take steps to put his "finger" into my nose and play a masochistic game of "Pat My Master's Nostril". Most times his claw will come out and he will lightly sting my inner nostril with the claw...ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Although not painful this is not Comfortable AND I don't do this to him!!!

He sleeps 16 hours straight every day and I don't come up on him and play "Toothpick to the Kitty Nostril Game", but lately I have begun to think this is a bright idea...

So it's 6 AM and HERE'S Herky, going to town, making bisquits on my chest and working on my left nostril. Then he starts the staring contest. I come out of REM and feel the shifting in my sleep pattern. What the hell!! I become more awake and squinting ever so slightly to try and stay asleep, I see a cat point blank staring at me. If this cat had a gun I would be afraid!!! Then he turns on the purring motor to try and trick me into thinking it is love that he is after. He revs the motor a bit and seeing no results in that, comes closer, pacing around on my head and around and around and around my crown. I try the Ostrich Technique of putting my head in the sand, in this case under a blanket or pillow OR BOTH, but the paw will sneak in the pacing continues.

Most times I am able to go back to sleep and he will stop for a while until closer to 7 or 8 AM, but once a while I will hiss at him kick his ASS out and close the door. Half asleep I forget to push the door completely closed and in my stupor wonder how he magically got the door open!?!

One time I got so pissed I stormed out of bed and grabbed some kibble and tossed towards the cat bowl. It was a spray of dried bits that landed in an arc on the floor. I mean I probably just fed them around midnight, which was ONLY 6 hours ago... They don't know about 4 to six small meals a day. Who told them!! Who let the cat out of the bag ?!

The saga continues... I need to pet him to fall asleep and he thinks he need to pet awake me for breakfast.

paper vs cat

2010-07-14T18:54:00.001-05:00

I would like to write to you
but my cat likes to sit on my notepad.

If I'm reading a magazine
he will come and sit right on it.

I don't know if it is because
he knows that's where my
attention is
or he has a
penchant for the slippery surface.

Thing is he likes
to lay on many different types of paper surfaces.

From maps to books to computer paper, bound wire journals even bookmarks and bills.
If it is near me and face down then it is "the spot"!

Familiar Strangers

2010-06-11T22:53:00.008-05:00

There is a saying that a stranger is a friend we just haven't met yet. I try to uphold this guiding rule when going about my daily interactions. Recently I have had some travel opportunities and made it to Pennsylvania, Myrtle Beach SC and Port Aransas TX. I have also been doing informal "research" by assigning myself homework.

My summer reading list has focused on travel themes and the authors have created scenarios of deep interaction within their scope of study.

I have been reading Familar Strangers, Uncommon Wisdom in Unlikely Places by Gotham Chopra, son of Deepak Chopra. (A great garage sale find!!) And here he aligns his travel assignments to War Torn countries with stages of Buddha's path. He reveals his inner discoveries of fear and death and love intertwined within each road trip. He writes a short story about an instance where he and his father discussing death and Deepak says, "until one is ready to die, can they really begin to fully live." I chew on these words and find they ring very true. To release and relax is the full state of awareness and aliveness.

Gotham reveals a scientific finding in one of his fathers books on a trip home. It is an old Science manual that outlines a elementary experiment, but illustrates a very significant result. 1. Put a rat under a glass globe and leave it for a few days. result: it will use all of the oxygen and die. 2. Put a small potted plant under a glass globe and leave for a few days. result: it will use all of the oxygen and die. 3. Put the rat and the potted plant under the glass globe and they will coexist, providing the other with necessary elements to survive. The plant provides oxygen through converting the rat's emitted carbon dioxide.

Gotham concludes that the element that stands out from this experiment and also his traveling experiences, is RELATIONSHIP.

Pg 143, Gotham writes...."It's not an entirely mind blowing experiment--the science is fairly easy to explain. It's simple and rather cool--their only chance at survival is in their relationship with one another. Simply put, Life is a relationship."

Our relationship within ourselves is paramount. How we open our eyelids and bodies and cells and souls to others is the next level. How we allow and open our hearts to the collective neighbor is another layer. The relationship of all humans to all humans is a level unto itself. The relationship of humankind to her host mother earth grows and is strained. The relationship of our home Earth to the Universe is also relative in our day to day existence.

How do you relate? I find that the way I react to things in my daily two hour yoga class is how I relate to the world. My teacher Pamela B says that exactly, the way we react and approach life on the mat is how we react off the mat. The on goings and communication between students and each other and the teacher. I look at myself as a new yoga student and fast forward to today, five years later and that is the woman being human awakened I have become. Without yoga practice I would not be who I am today. Another path or relationship would have blossomed, but for me that was the path. I am glad that it is unending. There is no destination.

Rather grumpily today, I was running an errand, taking two boxes to be shipped. As I returned to my car in a huff, from the heat and band of back pain that has made residence in my lower right quadrant, I saw a blackbird dive toward my bumper. The car was not on and parked still, so I glance out the window as I turn the key and see the crow nab a wasp or hornet and bite it in half spit it out, pick it back up and two gulps gone.

He shrugs it down the gullet and goes of in search of another bug meal. I, meanwhile, am stuck staring at the memorial imagery in my mind. Life. It is just that precious and precocious. My attitude somewhat realigned I find a special relationship to the road and drive to the yoga class I was thinking of skipping.

Another quote from the book is the last.... PG 185... as Gotham and his father (Deepak) are spending some time together at breakfast on a train in India...

"Both of us stare at the plains outside, the strange but familiar world.

Deepak:"At the end it'll have been a very interesting trip,"

Papa says, his eye fixed outside on the yellow haze hovering over the dusty earth."

Gotham: "What Varanasi?" (their destination in India)

Deepak:"All of it, baby" he says tenderly, "All of it."

Georgetown Sun City Tennis

2010-06-04T10:55:00.013-05:00

This Spring, May 21, 2010, Ron Niksich won the Mens A Tennis League Championship.

Ron is a recent arrival to Sun City; he and his wife Peggy have set up "camp" in a house after five years of touring North America in an RV. Their Rig of choice was a 40 foot Alpha Gold fifth wheel trailer pulled by a 2005 Dodge Ram Dually 6 speed. He has recently joined the Sun City Tennis circuit, but is no novice to Tennis at this level of competition. He has polished his Tennis skills at the McAllen Winter retreat for the last five years and played in leagues in Clear Lake City TX during his professional life.

Congratulations to Ron Niksich !

the lunatic is on the grass...

2010-03-31T00:40:00.001-05:00

The streaming music of Peter Gabriel, Sting , Phil Collins and Pink Floyd accompany my ears this eve.
I cannot sleep. to sleep would be to lose a moment of this magical existence I am in. I am tired, but not in a way that requires sleep.I will rest my weary head and dream of Love....

I love so much of this experience. but I also mute and turn off many parts of the machine which I do not like. I choose to see with eyes of love.

But I know that others do not have this love in their view.
I choose to ignore their lack of love. I do not respond to this.
It is muted and in the background of my day.
When it rears it's ungainly head I will see it, it cannot be ignored. When it screams out in plight I will face it. The only thing I can do is shine love on it. The only thing I know is love. All other is useless. All other is waste. The other comes, but it goes.

Love stays. Love has weight. My form is Love. My life is Love. Love is life.

Where--- How Far?....Please enjoy the magic. :)

2010-03-31T00:23:00.003-05:00

pg. 50, excerpt from the book of verses, " View from BenAnna Ranch" written by Ben Howard ( my grandpa)

"When you look up at the sky and see the stars, millions of them (he saw them from rural Michigan), some closer, some more distant, do you wonder how far does space go? Is there any end to it and what is beyond it? It is mind-boggling. We cannot understand it really."

Where--- How Far?

I study the deep and mystic blue

Of the cloudless evening sky.

Both awe and wonder thrill me through-

At the heavens so wide and high.

I ask about that unknown place

That lies beyond the stars.

Where is the end of endless space?

How far from our earthly bars?

But, the answer we may not yet know.

The universe is God's dimension.

While dwelling here on Earth below-

'Tis far beyond our comprehension.

Likewise, we cannot comprehend

His Love and mercy without end.

I plan to read this at his funeral services this Saturday, April 3rd 2010.

I believe he now knows the answer to this question. I ask it often and now I know why I ask.

Take a moment to relish your life JUST as it is at this moment. It is magic. All you have and have lost is magical. All we have to look forward to is magical.

Please enjoy the magic. :)

Buddha in the Backseat

2010-02-17T21:50:00.006-06:00

Trying to sort out this present moment, I am on my way to work again. Motivating myself to get in the car and drive in morning traffic can take a long conversation.

I try to keep peace and I make a deal with myself to remain calm and centered for the entire commute to work (which is not a very far drive). At the first light I feel the impatience growing as I sit behind a lady who won't turn right on red. I recall my intention and get back into my happy/angst-free state quickly. Then, we finally turn right and I am halted at the next red light. As commuting trips go, I have a pretty simple and easy one but I am usually overrun and there are a lot of opportunities for red lights and cars coming every which way on the well traveled road with a lot of businesses and driveways within the 8 mile 15 minute time period. One instance I was being very aggressively tailgated and threw my hands up in disgust after I was very rudely passed and then incited a case of road rage in the driver of the truck who decided to stop dead at the next light.. As I go around the truck stopped at a green light, I speed up and enter the next lane the truck gathers speed and impeding my lane and pushing me towards the curb. My life was being challenged and anger (not mine) was being forced down my throat. I was in the bike lane and had another maneuver been necessary I would not have noticed or been able to perform it. Finally the truck relented and turned left, unsatisfied that I did not return the anger. I was shaken but surprisingly more aware of the realization that other people are in a pained state and sometimes are trying to bring me into that.

The Buddha statue was sitting among several objects placed on a sheet outside of the studio after a class on Saturday morning. I looked over the items; books and tins and records. I saw the Buddha and wanted him right away. I had only $5 in my purse and sheepishly asked the price. The owner was haggling and negotiating with another customer and asked for $20, but they offered him a check. I piped in that I had $5 in cash and it was mine. I immediately loved the statue made out of resin or polymer. It was about 9 or 10 inches tall and not made of expensive material or excessive artistry. It represented a quest or desire for quiet inner peace.

I contemplated where to store his naked/unpacked body for the trip home in the car. The armrest in the backseat was down, revealing a small cubby between the seats and I placed him securely there. I drove home and checked on his travels by looking in the rear view mirror and marveled that the calmness remained and how cute and perfect he fit and existed in the cubby hole.

Upon arriving home I began unpacking my car of various items to take up to the apartment and reached for the Buddha statue. I hesitated and thoughtfully wondered where he could reside in the house. After a moment, I did not see a clear location I realized he was already seated in a prime spot.

Now I see him from time to time when observing the traffic behind me and when I turn to get something from the back. I have Buddha in the backseat to watch over my driving and bring a peaceful mind to my drive.

I renewed my vow to have a zen-ful minded inbound commute and remain as peaceful as possible. I set off on the same old boring drive to work and at a stop light, I did my usual mirror checks and glanced in the rear view mirror. Somehow the dawn morning light was bending and refracting so that an image of the Buddha statue was appearing somewhat hovering transparently on top of the backseat. I knew it was a play of reflection with the mirror and lights, but this struck me as so odd and awesome that I laughed out loud alone in the car. Hearing my own laughter out loud only caused me to laugh again and soon I had forgotten traffic and my struggle to find peace with the drive. I was simply alive and free and in joy.

the cloud parade

2009-03-05T15:16:00.004-06:00

I lay down on the rug of soft piled carpet, surrounded by the flicker and glow of candlight.

I look left, look right and position my head upon its right axis point perfectly neutral and relaxed.

Then I roll my left and then right shoulder under my body, aligning my entire spine and relax my tail bone to the floor.

Fully grounded and supported by gravity. The cats march around inqusitivly and act as my sentry in the night air.

The outer door is open to the warm spring breeze.

The half moon is directly over the eave igniting the sky with brillant yet soft moonlight.

Then I see cloud upon cloud moving swiftly from left to right, very fast paced, like a rolling ocean.
They are passing the window as a cloud parade.

Some are proud and full andothers are sparser, some down to tiny puffs that linger seemingly behind the others, trying to catch up.

I feel a personality in each wave of white; an aliveness, almost see faces and beings and a wave of hello.

Then I realize the sky is blue even at night.
I can actually see through the darkness and see the blue sky that is there, unlit by the sun. What a revelation.
The sky IS always blue.
I relax even more deeply and find that the cats have lain down as bookends on either side of my hips.

They too share this moment and I know that they live in this space most of the day. Aware, awake, in awe of being. Being in the cloud parade.

Spacious and gracious

2008-11-10T10:56:00.001-06:00

my tongue runs dry.

telling tales, selling wares, paying tariffs, being hassled by sheriffs.
the time has come to meet me in the space i am now.

the greeting, full and fleeting.

my blood runs cool and falls to my feet.

then rises again filling my soul body with a cleansing breath.

a nod to the divine, prayer to heart; my hands raise without thought.

agile bodymind takes practice.

musings of a tethered soul

2008-11-07T11:57:00.000-06:00

I am the love and light of the divine spirit and one with the Universe of all ages.
These lines will help keep me bound with in the confines.
These spaces will open to bring in the light.
There are those that do not understand the language I speak.
There are those that raise my voice to the stars.
The choice present to be seen by the one it is for.

Staring into the fifth dimension beyond space, light, lines and stars and yet... within...

full circle

2008-10-08T09:45:00.001-05:00

Majestic Moons follow me on my path tonight.

Giving me comfort showing me the path is right.

Telling me softly, surely to follow my heart's light.

I am not alone in the path of this moon tonight.

Rocky roads and hidden dangers have brought me to this bend.

Balancing and beaming I find a way into a den.

A place so welcome and comforting, it holds the power of my now;

It heralds the everlasting impulse of my first breath.

To plug into this divinity, to know how one belongs.

I do what I do in the path of others. Many paths; some to cross with others, some to quietly move along.

We sit, ruminate, enjoy and laugh at irony.

The truth sitting heavy and real in the present, the pain light and in the past.

The fear an imaginary hold on the future and may never come to pass.

To come around is to know that you will go around again.